Why I became a Sex Therapist
The million dollar question! I became a Sex Therapist for a number of different reasons.
The reason that some people may think that I became a Sex Therapist was because ‘I must really love sex and love talking about it!’ – I’ll leave you to come to your own conclusion about that one!J
What I will say though, is that there were 3 main reasons – that I’d be willing to share why I chose this career path!
In no particular order… I noticed that some of my own, previous therapists appeared uncomfortable at the mere mention of the word ‘sex’. This reaction didn’t motivate me to say much more on the topic. In fact, it made me feel awkward and unsure where I could turn to have my questions answered. I would notice how carefully my therapist would move the conversation in a different direction, which left me feeling a mixture of frustration, and curiosity about the world of sex.
I grew up in the eighties where very few healthy conversations were had between adults and children about sex. Sex education in school simply involved boys and girls separated in two different rooms. The girls would watch a video on childbirth, periods and the mechanics of reproduction, and the boys…well I never quite found out what they watched because when the boys and girls came together, it seemed as though this was ‘top secret’! I can only imagine that the boys watched a video on puberty and the mechanics of penis in vagina sex for the purpose of reproduction only.
I don’t think many parents in the eighties were particularly equipped to have the conversation about sex. In fact I’m not sure how many are now either! Some children were informed about puberty, but not about sex. I probably wouldn’t have felt particularly comfortable as a teenager asking my parents about sex. I’m not sure who would have felt more uncomfortable me or them! And so the quest to have questions answered came in the form of reading magazines such as ‘Just 17’ (when I was 13 – always been a bit of a rebel!) and when I wanted a little bit more clarity, I moved onto ‘More’ magazine, which described sexual dilemmas for older teenagers. Other than that, I collated information as I went along from school friends, adult friends and past relationships – very ‘reliable’ sources indeed! J
In fact what I realised was that so many people really didn’t have a clue about sex, and were doing what they thought was the right thing to do. From my experience men had watched enough porn to last them a lifetime, and they had ‘perfected’ their skills by imitating what they had seen online. I hear a lot of women talking about how much they dislike when their boyfriend/husband push their heads down when they are performing oral sex on them, or wanting to ‘cum’ on their face/breasts etc…or they enjoy hearing their girlfriend /wife gag as they receive oral sex etc! Usually this comes from watching porn which more often than not, does not show sexual acts that women derive much pleasure from.
So back to the question Charlene. Why did you become a Sex Therapist? – well, because I wanted to know the facts and I wanted to help other people to know the facts about sex too, so that they could make an informed decision about what they wanted (or didn’t want) in the bedroom. I was fascinated to find out the truth about sex, our bodies, our desires etc – Finally I found the answers to why so many women struggle to orgasm, and why so many men ‘always’ want sex!
Another reason for my choice of career, was that I saw no other black, female Sex Therapist around my age practising in the UK. Based on my experiences of training to become a Therapist, I could write a whole dissertation on why this might be, but for the purpose of this blog, I would say that it is important for me that people can access a therapist who they feel comfortable with, and who can understand their culture, race, age, sexuality etc – free from judgement or discrimination.
And finally, perhaps more of a personal reason, I noticed that my experience of sex didn’t quite match up to what I had learnt along the way. My body was responding differently from the way it was ‘supposed to respond’ to sexual stimuli. There were way too many ‘sex facts’, that I now know to be myths, that were causing me great confusion, and it didn’t seem like many people around me knew the answers either…why did men seem to be more excited about sex than women did? Why were so many women struggling to have an orgasm and faking it? Did women really enjoy performing oral sex on their husband/boyfriend? Why were men engaging in foreplay for 4.5 seconds before eagerly penetrating their partner? Why were lesbian women having less problems orgasming during sex? Why was it difficult for women (in particular) to switch off and enjoy sex? I could think of so many more questions… I had questions, and I needed answers! Now I have the answers, I want to share my knowledge with others and help others to have the type of sexual experience that they deserve!
Every day I have a different experience in my field of work and that’s why I love it! I am always learning something new and exciting. I get so much joy from hearing how my clients have made progress in their sex lives and relationships. I love seeing clients who are able to come to their next session and say to me…I had the best sex with my partner yesterday or I finally get what works for me sexually! There’s a real sense of liberation, no longer bound by the sexual myths projected onto them from partners and society as a whole, but able to decide for themselves what they will and won’t accept in the bedroom…in fact some clients have become so in tune with themselves that the bedroom is where they simply sleep – there are far more exciting places to have sex;)